Ask : I have problem with my communication skill

Today, I've got a letter from someone. she is a teenager and have a lot of question of herself. and I've got her permission to write this letter in my blog and give her the best answer in sha Allah.

Dear Khairun,
Hi, I am a teenager, I am a college student, but I have a problem here. I feel not confident with myself and I think i have problem in my communication skill. when I talk to people by writing or chat, it seems really fun, enjoy and great. but when i go outside, meet people, I think I pretend to be someone else, I can't express myself and choose to be silent. I want to be my self, do you think I have bad problem in my communication skill? then, What's can I do?

hmm, actually there is some reason why I just keep silent, it's not only because I don't confident, however I have my confident anytime I need, i think eventhough i just be silent. the first reason, because I think I won't to hurt someone else. I'm afraid when I talk and hurt someone it will be my sins. the second because sometimes I talk to people, it's not connected, you know, I think i can't save the information that come to me when i talk to people, finally, I just ask the same question and didn't get the fun chat. and finally, you know.. I'm not really beautiful and and I think when I talk to people, people look me bad. that's why I hate to be the trend center when I talk and others look at me.

here every problem that I have. but.. when I talk with family I feel comfort and just become myself, because I think they know who am I.

Thanks for your answer sister 

you know what is your problem and can tell me clearly what's you feel. in bahasa usually we call that "cerdas diri". when we really open ourself and ask our heart what we feel, it's not easy. but you can do it, even.. you write down it sister... I'm happy for you

this first step. will lead you to be better. because.. when we feel we are right, we can't see any problem in ourself. however, don't think too bad for yourself. you must rewards yourself, be bestfriend for yourself and cheer her up.

first, I will write down again to see what's matter in your problem, I can see the point of your communication skill
1. you afraid to hurt someone. I think, this just a reason because you are not used to do that
2. you want to look smart. you afraid to say something stupid
3. you think you are not beautiful.

then.. let's say the three things reason, will lead you to be better because three thing that you really want to be
1. you want to be confident when you are talking
2. you want to express yourself the way you are
3. you want to speak beautifully

well.. what motivate you right now is.. you need to express your self beautifully, because you are tired become silent.

How to do that is.. first you must change your body language.

from changing your body language, you can your mind and become confident. you must become relax and higher your shoulder. sometimes, you must shake your head, or nodding to express what you feel. you can practice your expression in front the mirror. to become relax and confident, just use your expression slowly to show you relax.

the second thing, after you changing your body language and makes your self comfort. then.. you can trying to express yourself the way you are. don't think what's other thinking. cheer yourself up, support her, treated her just like your bestfriend. give rewards sometimes or punishment when you do something proud or wrong.

the last.. beautiful will be seen by your action. eventhough you have beautiful face but your act just like a monkey, bad or make others not comfort with you, it's nothing. never think they are better, when you don't have confident or yourself or think you are better when you have confident. everyone is special, you must be a good person to anyone to practice yourself to be a good person. sometimes, it seems like we are acting to be good, when we just be good with somepeople that we think good and become not care with people that we think no good or worth than us. positive thinking to yourself and another people is really help.

once more, don't act you are good people, weather you not care with somepeople that you think not good. and beautiful will be seen by your action, your inner beauty with your kindness, and your confident with your body language and positive thinking.

I hope this can help you and other teenagers to be themselves.
if you have a question, you can email me on
I'll try mybest to help you, just describe clearly what's your problem and don't hide anything when you want to change yourself, sometimes, we are shy to say that we are do something bad. when you open your mind and be honest, you can know what's matter with you and try the best solution for it.

Keep positive everyone!


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