Satu Tubuh Dua Jiwa

when you face on problem, a matter. you have two choices.. really
first, you can choose to be miserable, full of sadness, mengeluh, feeling wrong, hate everything.
second, you can choose to be strong, brave, didn't care anything but trying, confident, and just do it.
however, when you try something like that.. you can try it whiles feel sad. but.. there are only two choices here. so avoid the negative when you choose to be positive.

I know two of them, has different soul. the first is me, the second is me too. then, which one do you want to be? I can't choose it and get it. I need process, moreover the second choice is not easy to practice.

when I could be strong, I feel comfort and lazy. but when I full of sadness, I feel i really want to take away all of this and do something. maybe there is a process after you choose your heart.

two souls in my body is very complicated. the first soul, lets call the negative. is never stop coming to me. when I want to go to my university, when I just stay home and has time to write, or even when i want to hang out with my friends. could you imagine that?

but, the positive soul is always coming when I need it, and I choose it in the first time. example when I work. i got that positive energy everywhere. but it's just two times a month. what kind of positive energy is it? oh yeah.. not only in that time but also when i sing in my bathroom, or talking to myself in bathroom or infront of the mirorr. all of them are my positive soul.

but actually, I have behaviour that really not me. I can't consentrate properly. I must always remind myself to think what is going on. to realize that hey.. look.. this what you are going to do, this is your target. yeah.. maybe that's just like a clue for me to take it as my behavior. then. I can be easy understand my job anytime, anywhere.

you know why i said this?. this morning, my mother asked me to bought breakfast. then, I really hate it because she asked me twice. first section to bought my father's breakfast, and went again to buy ours. twice!
then.. I also really hate hearing her angry, she wont stop talking until i did what she ask,. then i just went to market with no feeling. then she ask me to buy three, then i buy four packs. then, i realize that the money is not enough. even i hold the money but i didn't count how many all of them.

it's not bad of me, but one of my lack. I just hate to do what I didn't like to do. then... unfortunately, i always hate to did what she ask for. that's bad!

i don't understand about all of this. I just like wanna choose to go to heaven than taking all of this feeling. I didn't ask faster.. but it feel like what is it for.. all of them if what i did is making me bad, doing bad and get sins everyday...

however, i know Allah is ar-rahman. that's why i can live in this world until the time is up. but.. i don't know am I can be patient, sabr and do the right thing. I also know that for this matter, not only me can got this problem, but also all of people in this world. that's why i need to be sponge. then.. I can be myself, i can be someone that stronger and trying my best. I wont loose. then, I'll fight to myself!


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